5 Minutes on Exploring Where One-On-One Conversations Go Wrong

Let’s continue our journey of exploring one-on-one conversations. You can catch up on the last three blogs in the series here, here and here.

I think it’s time to get real about where one-on-one conversations can go wrong.

We’re going to explore two scenarios that are all too common.

Ready to play along?

Remember, this works whether you are the supervisor or the employee. You both have a role in improving one-on-ones.

Scenario 1: No one wants to be here.

It’s time again for your regular one-on-one conversation.

It’s already been rescheduled twice.

When you look at your to-do list you can think of at least ten things you’d rather be working on. Especially since your employee gives the same yes and no answers every time you meet. You can’t really blame them though, because you ask the same perfunctory questions every time you meet.

It’s like the meetings feel forced.

In your gut, you know these conversations could be more meaningful. You feel like you are going about it all wrong.

Time to phone a friend. (That’s me!)

You have an hour before your regular one-on-one conversation. Let’s take some time to reflect and assess.

Are these meetings feeling one-sided?

Maybe you have fallen into a pattern where you, the supervisor, ask the questions, set the tone, fix the problems and decide the priorities.

You can shift this. You’re going to move into more of a coaching role.

Here are some things you can raise at your next one-on-one meeting:

“I’ve noticed we are in a pattern of me assigning your work and then asking for progress updates. I’m realizing that I might miss things and that I need to give you space to share your own ideas and questions about work to initiate and priorities going forward. If you have any ideas now I’d like to hear them. Otherwise, let’s talk about what we’d like to both have ready for our next one-on-one.”

“Before we get started, I want to say that I think we could get more out of these one-on-ones. This time with you is valuable and I think we could make better use of it. Maybe before we meet again we could both think about what would make these meetings feel less forced? If we could rewrite the agenda for these meetings, what would you put on it?”

Scenario 2: I don’t have time for this.

Another email in your inbox from your favorite newsletter about how important and wonderful one-on-one conversations are.

That may be true for some people. But you have a million(!) direct reports.

Having regular, meaningful one-on-one conversations with all of them would be impossible. You wouldn’t have time to do anything else!

At the same time, it feels like a waste to do them if it’s only to check a box.

You know that time, what little there is, could be better spent.

Time to phone a friend. (Calling Lisa!)

You are not alone in feeling like you don’t have time. I hear this a lot, especially from supervisors with a lot of direct reports.

But even when time is limited, there is still a lot you can do to derive meaning from these meetings and build connection with your employees.

It is perfectly okay to meet less often.

Maybe it’s quarterly or twice a year. In between meetings you are going to be intentional about informal moments when you can listen, and ask questions.

Informal moments are also opportunities to give recognition and feedback, but save anything more complicated, that needs time and space, for a sit-down meeting.

There is some checking in you can likely do with all your employees in a group setting. Perhaps you want to communicate with them as a team about goals and strategies that apply to everyone.

What do you think? Can you relate to either of these scenarios?

I know they were written from a supervisor’s perspective, but if you are an employee reading this there is still a lot you can do – especially if you wish you had more access to your supervisor to answer questions and think through challenges.

Flip the script and imagine tactfully saying some of these things back to your supervisor.

“Before we get started, I want to say that I really value this time with you one-on-one. For example, in the past, it’s been really helpful for me to run something by you/ask questions as I work on my goals. Would it be okay to put a meeting on your calendar when I need to or every few weeks? Or what would be best way to find some 1:1 time with you?”

Are either of these scenarios familiar to you? What scenario would you add?