5 Minutes on Feedback Support
Chances are, you, like me and most people I know, struggle at times to give and/or receive feedback.
I’ve been there when receiving hard feedback.
The shock. The uncomfortable laugh. The defensiveness. Recovering from the hurt. Taking it all too personally.
And on the giving side… the avoided conversations. Jumbled words. Being too blunt or not clear enough.
What we want is an organizational culture where people both support and care for each other AND are honest with each other about disagreements or when they’ve been hurt.
Support AND honesty. It’s a balance not easily achieved.
On top of that we have cultural differences, systemic inequities, and just plain brain science complicating the matter. When we feel threatened, the thinking parts of our brain shut down, and we can either withdraw or attack.
We can also end up overwhelmed with emotions – embarrassment, shame, hurt, anxiety, fear or anger.
But real, honest feedback is important.
Feedback helps us:
Be more aware of how others perceive us.
Build trust.
Understand what contributions we have made and the strengths we possess.
Come up with ideas about what we can do differently to be more effective.
Be more empathetic by seeing other people’s perspectives.
Increase our confidence and connections.
So how do we get to a place where we can really give and receive the honest feedback that is so necessary?
That’s where feedback support comes in.
I’m guessing not many of you have received any training or support in how to give or receive feedback. But that’s just what I’m suggesting we need.
Both giving and receiving feedback are skills that take practice.
Below are my top five tips for both giving and receiving feedback. It’s a great place to start.
Five Tips for Giving Feedback:
Be direct. Give feedback in the first person.
Understand that being direct is not the opposite of being nice. In fact, being nice often has a price because it contributes to distrust and fosters emotionally-charged behavior.
Avoid the compliment “sandwich” – good thing/bad thing/good thing. It is better to just be real about what you see from your perspective.
Focus on the concrete behavior and its impact on you, the work or team.
Take responsibility for whatever part of the situation you own.
Five Tips for Receiving Feedback:
All feedback is subjective. You can take away what you want and leave the rest for now. The choice is yours.
In the feedback conversation, try to avoid “explaining” or providing background to any examples raised. Resist the temptation to prove the person wrong. The person delivering the feedback likely doesn’t have all the information (multiple truths exist!). However, there is still value in hearing their perception. Ask clarification questions only during the conversation.
Be gentle with yourself. It’s normal to feel difficult feelings as a result of receiving feedback. Leave time to process them.
Feedback is best when asked for.
Consider inviting a colleague to process the feedback with you. This should be someone you trust who will also be honest with you.
What would you add to the tips? Or what really stood out to you as something you can work on the next time you are giving or receiving feedback?
Want to keep reading about Performance Learning? Read HERE about meaningful employee self-evaluations.