5 Minutes on Tips For Coaching As A Supervisor
We now know that coaching can have a profound impact on organizational culture. We also know that coaching is different from when we act as a boss, mentor, or teacher.
Coaching is a unique blend of these three things:
Being fully present
Listening 80% of the time
Using inquiry
But before we get into it, I want to mention one more prerequisite to coaching:
YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THE OTHER PERSON’S ABILITY TO SUCCEED.
This can’t be ignored. Take time to pause and reflect.
Are you the right person to act as a coach? Is coaching the right approach for this person in this scenario? Or is this a situation where it’s better to provide direct feedback?
Okay, let’s get into it. How exactly do you put coaching into practice?
1. Being Fully Present
Being fully present starts with self-awareness. It takes time and intention to get to know yourself. One thing to pay particular attention to is feeling emotionally activated.
When we are emotionally activated we don’t think clearly. We can end up behaving in ways we don’t mean to. Sometimes this looks like blaming, denial, acting like a “victim," loss of energy, or we’re simply stuck in our own emotions, or spiraling thoughts.
BEING EMOTIONALLY ACTIVATED CAN MAKE IT HARD TO HAVE A PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATION, MUCH LESS TO ACT AS A COACH.
So here’s what to pay attention to:
What types of things most affect you? (attitudes, words, nonverbal cues, sensitive issues, negative self-talk)
What does it feel like in your body when you are activated?
Are you an imploder or exploder?
2. Listening 80/20
Coaching is about listening. This might feel really different if you’re more used to acting as a boss, mentor, or teacher.
WHEN YOU'RE PRACTICING COACHING YOU'RE GOING TO AIM FOR LISTENING 80% OF THE TIME.
Focus on validation of feelings. Show them that you heard them.
Confirm that you are hearing them correctly.
Feelings can feel charged and scary but we can treat them with neutrality. Feelings just are. They are always present. So acknowledging them will help the other person feel seen and heard.
“I’m hearing you say that the project isn’t going the way you expected. I think I’m hearing some fear and ambivalence in what you’re saying. Is that right?”
“It sounds like what your co-worker said to you really impacted you. I’m hearing some anger but also sadness. Am I getting that right or did I miss anything?”
3. Using Inquiry
USING INQUIRY IS ABOUT ASKING POWERFUL QUESTIONS.
“Why” questions can put us on the defensive. Why did you do that? Why isn’t the project done?
Instead of focusing on “why” you can focus on “how” and “what” questions.
And let’s make them powerful questions that allow us to increase our understanding of the other person in a more open and honest way. They help us get to the heart of what the other person is thinking, how they are feeling, and what is most concerning for them.
I like to use the adaptive action formula of What? So What? Now What? from the Human Systems Dynamics Institute. For example:
What would you like to accomplish here? What have you not yet tried?
So what is emerging as the most important part of this situation right now?
Now what is one thing you can try next?
Do you have a one-on-one conversation coming up? Or a project check-in? Take a minute and reflect on how you can incorporate these three elements of coaching into the conversation.
I’d love to hear from you. Hit reply and let me know:
Where do you need help or clarity?
What is stopping you from trying this approach?
What are you most excited to try?
